An apple is falling

Possible responses by several people--

The king: That apple is mine.
The priest: Too bad Adam ate it.
Adam: I blame Eve who gave it to me.
Eve: I blame the serpent for tricking me.
Newton: Apple is experiencing gravitational field.
Hamilton: Apple is minimizing potential energy.
Einstein: Apple is following spacetime curvature.
Heisenberg: We cannot find the apple.
Schrodinger: Apple may fall up or down.
Pauli: There is only 1 apple there.
Particle physicist: Apple falls because of graviton-exchange interaction.
String theorist: Apple is a bundle of traversing energies.
Farmer Jones: Freak! I need to harvest the apple soon.
Darwin: Only the fittest apple survives.
Hitler: The Jews have sabotaged my apple tree!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Israelis nuked my apple tree! They must be wiped off the map!
Lenin: Apple belongs to the people.
Trotsky: All apples around the world should fall.
Stalin: Apple falls due to Trotskyists' counter-revolutionary actions.
Doppler: Apple falling can make it look blue.
Galileo: All apples fall at the same rate.
Steve Jobs: This is bad news for me.
Bill Gates: This is good news for me.
Sim Wong Hoo: This is extremely good news for me.
Person under apple tree: Ouch.
Child: Apple is yummy.
Adam Smith: Price of apple will fall as well due to increased supplies.
John Maynard Keynes: The government should shake more apples down.
Karl Marx: The apple must be shared between 6.6 billion people.
Mao Zedong: If it is not a red apple, we must kill it!
Washington: We must boycott this British apple.
Thales of Miletus: Apple is made of water.
Anaximenes of Miletus: Apple is made of air.
Democritus: Apple is full of atoms.
Aristotle: Apple is infinitely divisible.
Zeno: Apple will never reach the ground.
John Stuart Mill: Apple can fall wherever it wants but not on people’s head.
Sanlu: Apple contains melamine. It must be the tree’s fault!
Federer: the apple signifies my comeback.
Lorenz: Apple falling makes Sichuan earthquake.
Confucius: Apple must be devoted to your parents.
Mendel: Apple is half of one parent.
Alain Robert: No problem, I can catch it on my way up Taipei 101.
Kim Il-Sung: We don’t need any apple to fall for us! We can pick them ourselves!
George W. Bush: We must invade the apple!
Martin Luther King Jr: I have a dream, that one day little red apples and little green apples will fall together.
David Copperfield: Where is the apple now?
Rodney Dangerfield: I approached the tree, and it fell.
Anthony Robbins: After my talk, the apple will be able to fall through hot coals without getting burnt.
Zidane: Materazzi is lighter than that apple.
John Conway: Apple tree is like a Gosper glider gun, and the apple is a glider.
Elwyn Berlekamp: Apple is a nim heap 1, so the grab apple game value is star.
Richard Guy: In the grab apple game, 1st player always wins, so the game is fuzzy zero.
William Tell: Son, go stand under the tree and let me practise shooting arrows.
Fruit stall owner: Why all these apples anyhow roll everywhere?
Singaporean ghost: Damn! If the apple drop on me instead of durian, I could have beaten Newton!