The last piece of Chinese homework I did in my entire life, taking advantage of homophony in Chinese proverbs. Brackets indicate my teacher's comments.
(内容: 8/10，表达: 8/10，总分: 16/20， 30/9/08)
为了表示中文的精采(彩)，我固(故)意写了一些错字。
发粪涂墙
我校有几名学生，喜欢对抗学校，他们 ~~，把粉白的墙壁弄得像波洛克的作品似的。
分工受罚
这是一场测验，你们在那儿叽叽喳喳地讨论答案，~~ 是理所当然的。(☆)
半吐尔肺
我小时候得了肺炎，至今若考试异常地难，我还会 ~~ 。
围飞坐呆
我想了半天，头脑还 ~~，不知道怎么做理解问答。(得☆者: 够妙!)
肠粘垒月
战后，战场到处都是一堆堆的尸体，混得 ~~ 。(☆)
背躬舌硬
我踏进口试考场，要说午安，但我见了考官却 ~~，说不出话来。(☆)
斤于量盐
你有高血压，还 ~~ 地煮饭吃，不妨马上去跳楼?
十四球屎
他那头牛非常有用，耕田以外，还能一餐后制造出 ~~ 。
屎办躬背
凡是得了痔疮或腹泻的病人，一定会 ~~ 。
蛇挤为人
这位摊销员能 ~~，千万不要跌进他口才的陷阱!
在街再丽
她其实面貌丑陋，但出门前总会化妆，所以 ~~ 。(☆)
字爆自气
如果你在恼火，去写周记，~~ 后，会冷静下来。
制桶倒河
凯恭要在一晚内欠老师一月的功课，简值(直)是 ~~，杯水车薪。(☆)
指尚痰病
老师今天有点沙哑，我就 ~~，请他去见医生。
装龙做鸭
他夸耀自己是风流才子，可是遇到困难就呱呱叫，真是 ~~ 。
精工之尿 ← 或“经工之尿”
我们所谓的新生说，虽是 ~~，大家也大口地喝。(☆)
旧油自娶
这位老头儿，没有人肯嫁给他，他就必须 ~~ 。
奸意涌围
在我们社会中，若一个人见义勇为，一定会有更多人 ~~，要占他的便宜。(☆)
耳如木燃
听到我的笑话时，朋友都突然 ~~，立刻造防火墙阻挡我的话使他们耳濡目染。
不省每句
长文缩短时，觉得要点不胜枚举，我就 ~~ 地缩，结果每次没拿到几分。(☆)
(既有创意，又不失娱乐性!)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
An apple is falling
Possible responses by several people--
The king: That apple is mine.
The priest: Too bad Adam ate it.
Adam: I blame Eve who gave it to me.
Eve: I blame the serpent for tricking me.
Newton: Apple is experiencing gravitational field.
Hamilton: Apple is minimizing potential energy.
Einstein: Apple is following spacetime curvature.
Heisenberg: We cannot find the apple.
Schrodinger: Apple may fall up or down.
Pauli: There is only 1 apple there.
Particle physicist: Apple falls because of graviton-exchange interaction.
String theorist: Apple is a bundle of traversing energies.
Farmer Jones: Freak! I need to harvest the apple soon.
Darwin: Only the fittest apple survives.
Hitler: The Jews have sabotaged my apple tree!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Israelis nuked my apple tree! They must be wiped off the map!
Lenin: Apple belongs to the people.
Trotsky: All apples around the world should fall.
Stalin: Apple falls due to Trotskyists' counter-revolutionary actions.
Doppler: Apple falling can make it look blue.
Galileo: All apples fall at the same rate.
Steve Jobs: This is bad news for me.
Bill Gates: This is good news for me.
Sim Wong Hoo: This is extremely good news for me.
Person under apple tree: Ouch.
Child: Apple is yummy.
Adam Smith: Price of apple will fall as well due to increased supplies.
John Maynard Keynes: The government should shake more apples down.
Karl Marx: The apple must be shared between 6.6 billion people.
Mao Zedong: If it is not a red apple, we must kill it!
Washington: We must boycott this British apple.
Thales of Miletus: Apple is made of water.
Anaximenes of Miletus: Apple is made of air.
Democritus: Apple is full of atoms.
Aristotle: Apple is infinitely divisible.
Zeno: Apple will never reach the ground.
John Stuart Mill: Apple can fall wherever it wants but not on people’s head.
Sanlu: Apple contains melamine. It must be the tree’s fault!
Federer: the apple signifies my comeback.
Lorenz: Apple falling makes Sichuan earthquake.
Confucius: Apple must be devoted to your parents.
Mendel: Apple is half of one parent.
Alain Robert: No problem, I can catch it on my way up Taipei 101.
Kim Il-Sung: We don’t need any apple to fall for us! We can pick them ourselves!
George W. Bush: We must invade the apple!
Martin Luther King Jr: I have a dream, that one day little red apples and little green apples will fall together.
David Copperfield: Where is the apple now?
Rodney Dangerfield: I approached the tree, and it fell.
Anthony Robbins: After my talk, the apple will be able to fall through hot coals without getting burnt.
Zidane: Materazzi is lighter than that apple.
John Conway: Apple tree is like a Gosper glider gun, and the apple is a glider.
Elwyn Berlekamp: Apple is a nim heap 1, so the grab apple game value is star.
Richard Guy: In the grab apple game, 1st player always wins, so the game is fuzzy zero.
William Tell: Son, go stand under the tree and let me practise shooting arrows.
Fruit stall owner: Why all these apples anyhow roll everywhere?
Singaporean ghost: Damn! If the apple drop on me instead of durian, I could have beaten Newton!
The king: That apple is mine.
The priest: Too bad Adam ate it.
Adam: I blame Eve who gave it to me.
Eve: I blame the serpent for tricking me.
Newton: Apple is experiencing gravitational field.
Hamilton: Apple is minimizing potential energy.
Einstein: Apple is following spacetime curvature.
Heisenberg: We cannot find the apple.
Schrodinger: Apple may fall up or down.
Pauli: There is only 1 apple there.
Particle physicist: Apple falls because of graviton-exchange interaction.
String theorist: Apple is a bundle of traversing energies.
Farmer Jones: Freak! I need to harvest the apple soon.
Darwin: Only the fittest apple survives.
Hitler: The Jews have sabotaged my apple tree!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Israelis nuked my apple tree! They must be wiped off the map!
Lenin: Apple belongs to the people.
Trotsky: All apples around the world should fall.
Stalin: Apple falls due to Trotskyists' counter-revolutionary actions.
Doppler: Apple falling can make it look blue.
Galileo: All apples fall at the same rate.
Steve Jobs: This is bad news for me.
Bill Gates: This is good news for me.
Sim Wong Hoo: This is extremely good news for me.
Person under apple tree: Ouch.
Child: Apple is yummy.
Adam Smith: Price of apple will fall as well due to increased supplies.
John Maynard Keynes: The government should shake more apples down.
Karl Marx: The apple must be shared between 6.6 billion people.
Mao Zedong: If it is not a red apple, we must kill it!
Washington: We must boycott this British apple.
Thales of Miletus: Apple is made of water.
Anaximenes of Miletus: Apple is made of air.
Democritus: Apple is full of atoms.
Aristotle: Apple is infinitely divisible.
Zeno: Apple will never reach the ground.
John Stuart Mill: Apple can fall wherever it wants but not on people’s head.
Sanlu: Apple contains melamine. It must be the tree’s fault!
Federer: the apple signifies my comeback.
Lorenz: Apple falling makes Sichuan earthquake.
Confucius: Apple must be devoted to your parents.
Mendel: Apple is half of one parent.
Alain Robert: No problem, I can catch it on my way up Taipei 101.
Kim Il-Sung: We don’t need any apple to fall for us! We can pick them ourselves!
George W. Bush: We must invade the apple!
Martin Luther King Jr: I have a dream, that one day little red apples and little green apples will fall together.
David Copperfield: Where is the apple now?
Rodney Dangerfield: I approached the tree, and it fell.
Anthony Robbins: After my talk, the apple will be able to fall through hot coals without getting burnt.
Zidane: Materazzi is lighter than that apple.
John Conway: Apple tree is like a Gosper glider gun, and the apple is a glider.
Elwyn Berlekamp: Apple is a nim heap 1, so the grab apple game value is star.
Richard Guy: In the grab apple game, 1st player always wins, so the game is fuzzy zero.
William Tell: Son, go stand under the tree and let me practise shooting arrows.
Fruit stall owner: Why all these apples anyhow roll everywhere?
Singaporean ghost: Damn! If the apple drop on me instead of durian, I could have beaten Newton!
Translation of 背影 (BeiYing)
This text was a chapter from our Chinese textbook. To demonstrate my support for formal equivalence, but also to make fun of online machine translators, I literally translated the text word-for-word into English. The fun part was trying to decipher the original passage from my translated version.
I and father relative no each other see already two years excess already, I most not able forget record is his back shadow.
That year winter day, ancestor mother dead already, father relative’s lousy motion also submit unloaded, correct is disaster not single movement’s day son. I from North Capital to Slow Province, hit count following father relative leap funeral return home. Reach Slow Province meeting father relative, see meet full yard wolf register’s east west, again think up ancestor mother, not forbid flow down eye tears. Father relative say, “Things already like this, no necessity difficult cross, good at sky no finished people’s road!”
Return home change sell pawn substance, father relative returned loss empty, again borrow money organised funeral matters. This some day son, home inside light circumstances very is pitiful thin, one half for already funeral matters, one half for already father relative endow idle. Funeral matters done finish, father relative want reach South Capital work things, I also want return North Capital read books, we thus same go.
Arrive South Capital time, have friend friend invite go swim shop, mark left one day. Number two day up noon thus must cross river to shore mouth, down noon up train north go. Father relative reason for things hurry, originally already say confirm not sending me, call holiday gallery inside one familiar recognised tea room accompany me together go. He again three urge instruct tea room, more is young careful. But he finally by not let heart, afraid tea room not proper appropriate, considerably hesitate hesitated a while. That reality I that year already 20 years, North Capital already come gone over two three times, is not have anything want nervous already. He hesitate hesitated a moment, finally by decide confirm still is self self send me go. I two three return advise him no necessity go, he only say, “Don’t want nervous, they go no good!”
We crossed river, entered train stand. I buy ticket, he busying shine look walk plum. Walk plum too many already, must toward foot man walk some small fee, then can cross go. He then again busying with them talk price money. I that time really is clever bright too part, always feel gain he say words not big pretty bright, wrong self self stick mouth not permit. But he finally by talk confirmed price money, so send me up train. He give me selected stable near train door one spread chair son, I get him give me done purple hair big clothes unfold good sit place. He urge me road top small heart, night inside vigilant awake some, not want receive cold. Again urge entrust tea room good good shine answer me. I heart inside dark laugh his old-fashionedness; they only recognise money, entrust them simply straight is white entrust! And even I this kind big year age person, difficult road still not able material manage self self? Sigh, I now is think think, that time really is too clever bright already!
I say way: “Dad dad, you walk okay.” He toward train outside seen see, say: “I buy few tangerines son go. You so at this ground, not want walk move.” I see that side moon stage’s railing fence outside have few sell east west waiting watch guest. Walk to that side moon stage, must through over metal way, must jump down go again climb up go. Father relative is one fat son, walk over go self natural want spend matters some. I origin come want go, he not willing, only good let him go. I look meet he wearing black cloth small hat, wearing black cloth big horse gown, deep green cloth cotton robe, limp limp walk to metal way side, slow slow reach body down go, yet not big difficult. Permit is he pass over metal way, want climb up that side moon stage, thus not tolerate easy already. He use two hands climbing up face, two feet again toward up contract; he fat plump body son towards left slightly lean, show out hardworking strength kind son. This time I look meet his back shadow, my tears very quickly flow down come already. I hurry nervous wiped dry tears, afraid he see look, also afraid other people see look. I again toward outside look time, he already hugged tangerine son towards return walk already. Cross metal way time, he first get tangerine son one strand brain child put in my skin big clothes above. By is pounce pounce clothes up mud soil, heart inside very light loose similar, over one able child say, “I walk already, reach that side come letter!” I long-looking he walk out go. He walked few steps, return head look meet me, say, “Enter go, inside side no people.” Wait his back shadow mix enter come come go go people crowd inside, again find not able already, I thus enter go sit down, my eye tears again came.
Near few years come, father relative and me both is east leap waest walk, home middle light view is one day not like one day. He young years exit outside plan work live, single strength support hold, done allow many big things. How know old situation but like this ruined abrupt! He sense eye hurt mind, self natural sentiment not able self self. Sentiment gloomy in middle, self correct want distribute of at outside; home court petty trifles thus toward toward touch his rage. He treat me gradually gradually not same toward days. But most near two years’ not meet, he finally by forget decline my not good, only is concerned remember ……….
Original:
我与父亲不相见已二年余了，我最不能忘记的是他的背影 。
那年冬天，祖母死了，父亲的差使也交卸了，正是祸不单行的日子。我从北京到徐州打算跟着父亲奔丧回家。到徐州见着父亲，看见满院狼藉的东西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼泪。父亲说：“事已如此，不必难过，好在天无绝人之路！”
回家变卖典质，父亲还了亏空；又借钱办了丧事。这些日子，家中光景很是惨淡，一半为了丧事，一半为了父亲赋闲。丧事完毕，父亲要到南京谋事，我也要回北京念书，我们便同行。
到南京时，有朋友约去游逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便须渡江到浦口，下午上车北去。父亲因为事忙，本已说定不送我，叫旅馆里一个熟识的茶房陪我同去。他再三嘱咐茶房，甚是仔细。但他终于不放心，怕茶房不妥帖；颇踌躇了一会。其实我那年已二十岁，北京已来往过两三次，是没有什么要紧的了。他踌躇了一会，终于决定还是自己送我去。我再三劝他不必去；他只说：“不要紧，他们去不好！”
我们过了江，进了车站。我买票，他忙着照看行李。行李太多了，得向脚夫行些小费才可过去。他便又忙着和他们讲价钱。我那时真是聪明过分，总觉他说话不大漂亮，非自己插嘴不可，但他终于讲定了价钱；就送我上车。他给我拣定了靠车门的一张椅子；我将他给我做的紫毛大衣铺好座位。他嘱我路上小心，夜里要警醒些，不要受凉。又嘱托茶房好好照应我。我心里暗笑他的迂；他们只认得钱，托他们只是白托！而且我这样大年纪的人，难道还不能料理自己么？唉，我现在想想，那时真是太聪明了！
我说道：“爸爸，你走吧。”他往车外看了看说：“我买几个桔子去。你就在此地，不要走动。”我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。走到那边月台，须穿过铁道，须跳下去又爬上去。父亲是一个胖子，走过去自然要费事些。我本来要去的，他不肯，只好让他去。我看见他戴着黑布小帽，穿着黑布大马褂，深青布棉袍，蹒跚地走到铁道边，慢慢探身下去，尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道，要爬上那边月台，就不容易了。他用两手攀着上面，两脚再向上缩；他肥胖的身子向左微倾，显出努力的样子，这时我看见他的背影，我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪。怕他看见，也怕别人看见。我再向外看时，他已抱了朱红的桔子往回走了。过铁道时，他先将桔子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起桔子走。到这边时，我赶紧去搀他。他和我走到车上，将桔子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。于是扑扑衣上的泥土，心里很轻松似的。过一会说：“我走了，到那边来信！”我望着他走出去。他走了几步，回过头看见我，说：“进去吧，里边没人。”等他的背影混入来来往往的人里，再找不着了，我便进来坐下，我的眼泪又来了。
近几年来，父亲和我都是东奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外谋生，独立支持，做了许多大事。哪知老境却如此颓唐！他触目伤怀，自然情不能自已。情郁于中，自然要发之于外；家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。他待我渐渐不同往日。但最近两年不见，他终于忘却我的不好，只是惦记着我，惦记着我的儿子。我北来后，他写了一信给我，信中说道：“我身体平安，唯膀子疼痛厉害，举箸提笔，诸不便，大约大去之期不远矣。”我读到此处，在晶莹的泪光中，又看见那肥胖的、青布棉袍黑布马褂的背影。唉！我不知何时再能与他相见！
I and father relative no each other see already two years excess already, I most not able forget record is his back shadow.
That year winter day, ancestor mother dead already, father relative’s lousy motion also submit unloaded, correct is disaster not single movement’s day son. I from North Capital to Slow Province, hit count following father relative leap funeral return home. Reach Slow Province meeting father relative, see meet full yard wolf register’s east west, again think up ancestor mother, not forbid flow down eye tears. Father relative say, “Things already like this, no necessity difficult cross, good at sky no finished people’s road!”
Return home change sell pawn substance, father relative returned loss empty, again borrow money organised funeral matters. This some day son, home inside light circumstances very is pitiful thin, one half for already funeral matters, one half for already father relative endow idle. Funeral matters done finish, father relative want reach South Capital work things, I also want return North Capital read books, we thus same go.
Arrive South Capital time, have friend friend invite go swim shop, mark left one day. Number two day up noon thus must cross river to shore mouth, down noon up train north go. Father relative reason for things hurry, originally already say confirm not sending me, call holiday gallery inside one familiar recognised tea room accompany me together go. He again three urge instruct tea room, more is young careful. But he finally by not let heart, afraid tea room not proper appropriate, considerably hesitate hesitated a while. That reality I that year already 20 years, North Capital already come gone over two three times, is not have anything want nervous already. He hesitate hesitated a moment, finally by decide confirm still is self self send me go. I two three return advise him no necessity go, he only say, “Don’t want nervous, they go no good!”
We crossed river, entered train stand. I buy ticket, he busying shine look walk plum. Walk plum too many already, must toward foot man walk some small fee, then can cross go. He then again busying with them talk price money. I that time really is clever bright too part, always feel gain he say words not big pretty bright, wrong self self stick mouth not permit. But he finally by talk confirmed price money, so send me up train. He give me selected stable near train door one spread chair son, I get him give me done purple hair big clothes unfold good sit place. He urge me road top small heart, night inside vigilant awake some, not want receive cold. Again urge entrust tea room good good shine answer me. I heart inside dark laugh his old-fashionedness; they only recognise money, entrust them simply straight is white entrust! And even I this kind big year age person, difficult road still not able material manage self self? Sigh, I now is think think, that time really is too clever bright already!
I say way: “Dad dad, you walk okay.” He toward train outside seen see, say: “I buy few tangerines son go. You so at this ground, not want walk move.” I see that side moon stage’s railing fence outside have few sell east west waiting watch guest. Walk to that side moon stage, must through over metal way, must jump down go again climb up go. Father relative is one fat son, walk over go self natural want spend matters some. I origin come want go, he not willing, only good let him go. I look meet he wearing black cloth small hat, wearing black cloth big horse gown, deep green cloth cotton robe, limp limp walk to metal way side, slow slow reach body down go, yet not big difficult. Permit is he pass over metal way, want climb up that side moon stage, thus not tolerate easy already. He use two hands climbing up face, two feet again toward up contract; he fat plump body son towards left slightly lean, show out hardworking strength kind son. This time I look meet his back shadow, my tears very quickly flow down come already. I hurry nervous wiped dry tears, afraid he see look, also afraid other people see look. I again toward outside look time, he already hugged tangerine son towards return walk already. Cross metal way time, he first get tangerine son one strand brain child put in my skin big clothes above. By is pounce pounce clothes up mud soil, heart inside very light loose similar, over one able child say, “I walk already, reach that side come letter!” I long-looking he walk out go. He walked few steps, return head look meet me, say, “Enter go, inside side no people.” Wait his back shadow mix enter come come go go people crowd inside, again find not able already, I thus enter go sit down, my eye tears again came.
Near few years come, father relative and me both is east leap waest walk, home middle light view is one day not like one day. He young years exit outside plan work live, single strength support hold, done allow many big things. How know old situation but like this ruined abrupt! He sense eye hurt mind, self natural sentiment not able self self. Sentiment gloomy in middle, self correct want distribute of at outside; home court petty trifles thus toward toward touch his rage. He treat me gradually gradually not same toward days. But most near two years’ not meet, he finally by forget decline my not good, only is concerned remember ……….
Original:
我与父亲不相见已二年余了，我最不能忘记的是他的背影 。
那年冬天，祖母死了，父亲的差使也交卸了，正是祸不单行的日子。我从北京到徐州打算跟着父亲奔丧回家。到徐州见着父亲，看见满院狼藉的东西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼泪。父亲说：“事已如此，不必难过，好在天无绝人之路！”
回家变卖典质，父亲还了亏空；又借钱办了丧事。这些日子，家中光景很是惨淡，一半为了丧事，一半为了父亲赋闲。丧事完毕，父亲要到南京谋事，我也要回北京念书，我们便同行。
到南京时，有朋友约去游逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便须渡江到浦口，下午上车北去。父亲因为事忙，本已说定不送我，叫旅馆里一个熟识的茶房陪我同去。他再三嘱咐茶房，甚是仔细。但他终于不放心，怕茶房不妥帖；颇踌躇了一会。其实我那年已二十岁，北京已来往过两三次，是没有什么要紧的了。他踌躇了一会，终于决定还是自己送我去。我再三劝他不必去；他只说：“不要紧，他们去不好！”
我们过了江，进了车站。我买票，他忙着照看行李。行李太多了，得向脚夫行些小费才可过去。他便又忙着和他们讲价钱。我那时真是聪明过分，总觉他说话不大漂亮，非自己插嘴不可，但他终于讲定了价钱；就送我上车。他给我拣定了靠车门的一张椅子；我将他给我做的紫毛大衣铺好座位。他嘱我路上小心，夜里要警醒些，不要受凉。又嘱托茶房好好照应我。我心里暗笑他的迂；他们只认得钱，托他们只是白托！而且我这样大年纪的人，难道还不能料理自己么？唉，我现在想想，那时真是太聪明了！
我说道：“爸爸，你走吧。”他往车外看了看说：“我买几个桔子去。你就在此地，不要走动。”我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。走到那边月台，须穿过铁道，须跳下去又爬上去。父亲是一个胖子，走过去自然要费事些。我本来要去的，他不肯，只好让他去。我看见他戴着黑布小帽，穿着黑布大马褂，深青布棉袍，蹒跚地走到铁道边，慢慢探身下去，尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道，要爬上那边月台，就不容易了。他用两手攀着上面，两脚再向上缩；他肥胖的身子向左微倾，显出努力的样子，这时我看见他的背影，我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪。怕他看见，也怕别人看见。我再向外看时，他已抱了朱红的桔子往回走了。过铁道时，他先将桔子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起桔子走。到这边时，我赶紧去搀他。他和我走到车上，将桔子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。于是扑扑衣上的泥土，心里很轻松似的。过一会说：“我走了，到那边来信！”我望着他走出去。他走了几步，回过头看见我，说：“进去吧，里边没人。”等他的背影混入来来往往的人里，再找不着了，我便进来坐下，我的眼泪又来了。
近几年来，父亲和我都是东奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外谋生，独立支持，做了许多大事。哪知老境却如此颓唐！他触目伤怀，自然情不能自已。情郁于中，自然要发之于外；家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。他待我渐渐不同往日。但最近两年不见，他终于忘却我的不好，只是惦记着我，惦记着我的儿子。我北来后，他写了一信给我，信中说道：“我身体平安，唯膀子疼痛厉害，举箸提笔，诸不便，大约大去之期不远矣。”我读到此处，在晶莹的泪光中，又看见那肥胖的、青布棉袍黑布马褂的背影。唉！我不知何时再能与他相见！
WarChess (inspired by FoxTrot 7th Feb 2010)
Playing with standard chess rules becomes boring after a while -- so I designed this turn-based strategy variant!
Standard chess rules apply, with the following modificationss.
First-rank pieces can be arranged any order at the start of the game, so Black has positional advantage to counter White's first-move.
Standard chess rules apply, with the following modificationss.
First-rank pieces can be arranged any order at the start of the game, so Black has positional advantage to counter White's first-move.
Each turn comprises of 2 moves.
The objective is to kill the enemy king. There is no check or checkmate.
All pieces start with 20 HP.
Piece (Attack / Defence)
King (10/10)
Queen (8/8)
Rook (5/10)
Knight (10/5)
Bishop (5/5)
Pawn (r/r) where r is the rank it is on relative to its side.
Each attack costs 1 turn. When attacking, roll 2 six-sided dice, add to attacker's attack value and subtract from defender's defence value. This is the damage done (subtract from HP). When a piece is killed (0 HP), it is removed and the attacker takes its place.
(Adjacent = 8 squares)
Any piece with 2 adjacent friendly Rooks gets +5 defence.
Any piece with 2 adjacent friendly Knights gets +5 attack.
Any piece with 2 adjacent friendly Bishops gets +5 HP per turn (no overheal).
If dice are not available or undesired, take the combined dice rolls to be the attack value of the nearest friendly piece, measured by number of king-moves away. If there is more than one, take the highest value.
The objective is to kill the enemy king. There is no check or checkmate.
All pieces start with 20 HP.
Piece (Attack / Defence)
King (10/10)
Queen (8/8)
Rook (5/10)
Knight (10/5)
Bishop (5/5)
Pawn (r/r) where r is the rank it is on relative to its side.
Each attack costs 1 turn. When attacking, roll 2 six-sided dice, add to attacker's attack value and subtract from defender's defence value. This is the damage done (subtract from HP). When a piece is killed (0 HP), it is removed and the attacker takes its place.
(Adjacent = 8 squares)
Any piece with 2 adjacent friendly Rooks gets +5 defence.
Any piece with 2 adjacent friendly Knights gets +5 attack.
Any piece with 2 adjacent friendly Bishops gets +5 HP per turn (no overheal).
If dice are not available or undesired, take the combined dice rolls to be the attack value of the nearest friendly piece, measured by number of king-moves away. If there is more than one, take the highest value.
Maths journal
Reproduced in its entirety is a question set I designed in Year 3 as midterm homework for my maths module on polynomial functions.
JOURNAL – QUADRATIC INEQUALITIES:
Omission of essential working will result in loss of marks. Each question is worth 5 marks.
Tai Toh Chian and Suma Tee Chee Poh want to buy a million-dollar bungalow. They don’t have enough money individually, so they decide to share. Tai Toh Chian suggests they split 50:50 – each person pays $500,000. However, Suma Tee comes out with another idea. He wants to pay according to this expression:
-100,000z2 + 200,000z + 50,000 dollars
He lets Toh Chian choose any value for z. Will Tai Toh Chian benefit from accepting this offer? Prove it (i.e. if he gains, prove that -100,000z2 + 200,000z + 50,000 can be greater than 500,000 and state the range of values for z when this is true. If he loses, prove that -100,000z2 + 200,000z + 50,000 is always less than 500,000 for all real z). Finally, find the values of z for which Chee Poh pays over $30,000.
After consulting Mr Carl Khoo Lay Ter, Tai Toh Chian decides to reject the offer. Chee Poh grudgingly pays half and the house is being built. Mr Carl Khoo Lay Ter notices that the doorway from the hall to the kitchen arches from the top of the left doorway pillar to the top of the right pillar according to the expression
-2a2 + 4a + 2 1/10 metres above the ground
The two pillars are of the same height. a is the distance from the left doorway pillar. Calculate the values for a for the doorway, and express this as a solution set.
Tai Toh Chian runs into some financial business problems and is forced to sell his share in the house. Jenner Oh See Ti, who is another quadratic freak, offers to buy up his share in the form 100,000b2 – 700,000b + 600,000 dollars. Toh Chian is allowed to pick any value for b from 0 to 7. Find the values for x where Toh Chian will make a profit. In other words, find x for which 100,000b2 – 700,000b + 600,000 > 500,000.
Tai Toh Chian sells his share of the house, again after consulting Carl Khoo Lay Ter. Carl, as a consultant, is tired of giving free consultations and starts charging Tai Toh Chian. His price is 5c2 + 10c + 20 dollars for all the consultations up to the cth. Toh Chian has $400,000 to spare after his house sale. What is the c that he can afford? Express this as a solution set.
Tai Toh Chian uses the money he gained from the house sale to help his business and consults Carl Khoo Lay Ter for the 32nd time, spending $5,460. The consultant suggests expanding his food business and thus Toh Chian decides to sell burgers. Unfortunately, since he is running the burger kiosk himself, his burgers are only slightly more edible than his plates. One reason is that his cooking skills are terrible, and the second reason is that he does not want to hire a cook and that he uses utterly disgusting combinations of flavours. Jenner Oh See Ti and Suma Tee Chee Poh are his first customers. Jenner Oh bites into the soyabean-strawberry jam-bacon burger and flings it into a rubbish chute exactly 8 metres in front of him according to the parabola
y = -x2 + 8x
where his hand is the origin and the chute is his hand level, y = 0. At exactly the same moment, Suma Tee, who is beside Jenner Oh, chews an asparagus-durian-chilli burger, cracking his front tooth. He hurls the burger in the same direction as the rubbish chute, but according to the parabola
y = -1/50x2 + x
into a forest, hitting a termite nest also at y = 0, 50 metres away. Air resistance is not considered because the burgers are about as solid as artillery shells and thus it is negligible. Find the values for x where the height (y-value) of the soyabean-strawberry jam-bacon burger is less than the height of the asparagus-durian-chilli burger. Note that 0 ≤ x ≤ 8 as we discount the burger when it lands in the chute.
(Hint: Try sketching the two graphs of the burger flight paths. This may help sum up the data above.)
News article
I submitted this TalkingCock.com-esque news article (c.f. the names) for a Year 3 assignment because I could not remember the details of the event. Evidently, my teacher was unimpressed.
HIGH SCHOOL CONVERTED INTO PLAYGROUND!
NUS High holds Games Day
>> By Perry Lam in NUS High School of Mathematics and Science
Clementi, 27 May – The prestigious NUS High School took a break from the hectic school schedules and celebrated the end of a semester by holding a day for fun and games, just ahead of the June holidays, at their newly-opened $55-million campus.
Instead of staying in their classes, students were scattered around the school, enjoying themselves. Some represented their houses in various games. Those who were not involved as participants or helpers were allowed to wander around and form gaming groups.
It was an entertaining spectacle for a visitor, especially the inter-house contests. There were comical errors yet amazing saves in the badminton hall, an 8-1 thrashing of Fibonacci house by Nobel house in a football group stage match, and various other sports were played: netball, captains’ ball, international chess, Chinese chess, basketball, among others were conducted simultaneously around the school.
After the 1-8 defeat, Fibonacci goalkeeper Weir Wong Sha Rong told this reporter: “We got beaten by Fleming 1-2 and Faraday 0-4 already, and Nobel needed the goals to progress if Faraday beat Fleming. So I decided to set a new school football record for 15-minute matches.”
Nobel striker Yew Loo Ser added: “We knew we were going to thrash Fibonacci with our star players Aziz and Goh back. Fleming is rubbish, Faraday will whip the intestines out of them and let us enter the final.” He later refused to comment after Fleming house – by shackling top scorer Wee Si Kor – shocked Faraday 1-0 and qualified.
Even the school entered the fray, screening sports movies in the Theatrette.
“Tomorrow is the last day of the semester! I have endured 6 months of school and I am so excited!” said student Wei Longlong as she stared at the screen.
Her friend Betty Ng Ge Ren cut in: “I only got small things to do… prospect of 28 days no stress overjoys me!”
Day One of competitions mostly ended by 10am. Students roamed the compound until noon, when they could return home – and judging by their countenances, in high spirits.
Past noon, the school was largely deserted save for a few pockets of board game or card-playing students, mostly in corners of the school library. There were still some of them late in the afternoon, and Fu Lei Ne explained why they did not wish to go home: “We’re foreign scholars, our home here is the hostel… it’s just across the field. Besides, what can we do back there?”
So it was of little surprise when, earlier in the morning, the students had arrived in a bright mood.
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